A Fleeting Moment

No Title

2009-10-11T06:40:00.000-07:00

...Our minds were shrouded by dark clouds
A calm hurricane is brewing
We have gone out of control; possessive
Our words and actions do not match...

Cold as dusk
Hard as diamond
But out souls have became transparent
If only...

Can I still change now?

So Many Things

2009-05-15T05:31:00.000-07:00

This past one month had literally been like a trail of bubbles. Many events had occurred; bonds had been forged; memories had been weaved. But you cannot catch them and put it in your secret box as they slowly fly off and dissipate in front of your eyes.

Changes are inevitable. It will be tough to embrace them because it makes you feel out of your element. But there are so many 'what ifs' in my mind right now as I start to question myself on whether my decisions are apt . But there are a couple of things to be sure of:

(1) The past month had been difficult to pull through. And without my family and friends, I might not be able to push on. It was then that I realised that the power of support and love really gives you a emotional lift.

(2) Many a times, when I start to question myself about certain decisions, God always reassures me of my decisions. It's amazing how God has guided me through my army life so far. I can rely on him unconditionally on the spiritual support that I need. He had resolved so many of my doubts and concerns.

This week has been quite a self-fulfilling week for me. I am looking forward to the long weekend ( Off on Monday!).

Was this week fulfilling for you?

Enlist

2009-04-10T08:32:00.000-07:00

I will be enlisting tomorrow.

For the past one year, National Service had never crossed my mind. I was eighteen then and thought that NS is too early for me to fret my mind over. After the medical examination, NS seems so far away as I was more concerned about other things, such as studies, piano and enjoying my life away.

For the past one month, I was very worried and nervous about enlisting. I started replaying likely scenarios in the mind, visualising what might happen for the next nine weeks. And I tell you, the feeling is not good. But I thought, ' there's still a month' and tried my very best to evade the inevitable.

For the past one week, I was really feeling it. The word 'NS' was floating over my head ominously. I tried to prepare for things that would make my enlistment more bearable, like purchasing products and army essentials. I also met up with various friends and pals and indulged in palatable cuisines. My friends keep telling me to 'enjoy my last bits of freedom'. How true, I thought.

For the past one day, I managed to calm down and accept NS as a part and parcel of life. If you cannot avoid it, why not make it enjoyable and try to relish every moment. I really want to thank the people who have been giving their utmost support, for they sort of expected that I will be very worried over this matter.

To God: For listening to my woes and prayers every single time. For blessing me, my family and my friends. For giving me strength and support when I needed you.

To my parents: For constantly giving their support in every way possible. They could tell that I was out of sorts, and did everything they could to make me feel comfortable.

To my relatives: My aunt, who made bird's nest for me for tomorrow; my aunt, who did a spa massage for my face and being concerned over my skin condition.

To my many friends: For the well-wishes and encouraging messages. Eg: Noah, as usual, dispensing some peals of wisdom; Hazel's survival kit, HKPP,Lao Mao, Sok Shin and many more

To ITE College East: For providing me a conducive workplace and the very friendly colleagues. Special thanks to Veron, for being an understanding and kind superior; Adele,Claudia for always being there for me; Edna, for her advice etc.

For the past one hour, I have been counting my blessings.

No title

2009-04-04T08:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, do you feel that some of the close friends that you have will drift apart for no apparent reason? It can be acknowledged by both parties but nothing is done. Actually, no matter what you might attempt to do to salvage the relationship, it results in futility. Just like a piece of blu-tack that has been pulled into a long piece. Even when left untouched, it falls apart naturally after sometime.

Sometimes, do you feel that things will change as you mature? Your outlook towards life, your friends...intangibles of life. Unknowingly, one gets entwined in a tangible called money. Your life will revolve around money. Keep pretending and we will keep believing?

Scenario 1

A friend turns down a get-together (eg: farewell, birthday celebration) as he/she had promised. For money. "Reality resounds".
Probably, its for last minute work, a contract job, last minute commitment...etc. Its upsetting but understandable. Friends suddenly take a backseat. We are all guilty of this. But for money? It sounds right yet wrong.

Sometimes, do you feel that time passes so quickly that you have no time to capture all the bits of memories and savour them. A lot of them are gone with the wind. I was with a few friends today. We had a nice dinner at block 85, our regular haunt in the past We wandered around the neighbourhood and bought bubble tea.

Do you know that there are pieces of memory in these food? Do you realise that there are grains of recollections in the air?

Sometimes, it's actually good to have a time for contemplation.

Examples

2009-03-29T20:10:00.000-07:00

Just not too long ago, I walked with my friends. We met up for dinner as well as to celebrate a good pal's birthday. As we were walking and working up a chat, I realised that everyone had different footprint sounds. Some footprints sounded monotonous and fast; some sounded hurried and sharp; some sounded almost invisible with soft underlying undertones- A rhythmic cacophony of sounds.

But as we were walking, some footprint sounds got drowned out by the surroundings and our constant chatter, just like how sometimes our 'true emotions' got consumed from externalities and the tangibles of life. It's quite depressing, to have such notions that are within our reach yet far from our grasp.

A quote from my friend:

"I guess..its gets a little painful when u ar putting more than u ar receiving...I guess..its gets a little uneasy when u ar receiving more than you are putting..Its cool....when you are putting in as much as you are receiving.."

I guess this is probably true for all instance. When we invest so much more in a friendship/relationship and do not get the same treatment as we hoped we can get, we get hurt. And as a result, we go the opposite direction in an attempt to get more attention from the other party, which often backfires. And in this process of stumbling and hurting each other, we become more insensitive and wrap our in a blanket of security.

Do we all not know that all that we have done to save a relationship is actually futile?

Wind

2009-03-27T09:50:00.000-07:00

Like A Wind, so carefree and light.
Yet
Like A Wind, you contain all the feelings of people.

Omnipresence

Like A Wind, Tasteless savoury
Just
Like A Wind, you are here yet not here.

Enraptured

Like A Wind, so pleasing and refreshing
Yet
Like A Wind, luminescence engulfed by a shroud of darkness

Vulnerability

Like A Wind, fragile and feeble
And
Like A Wind, so forgettable and lifeless

Like A Wind,

An Empty Chamber,

A Faceless Mask,

A Hollow Heart,

A Transparent Soul.